A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine asked on twitter "is it bad that I want all my friends to like my significant other?" She got a myriad of responses but myself and another girl pretty much gave her the "yes and no" answer. We gave it for different reasons but I'll explain mine here and also talk about my "too many cooks in the kitchen" theory.
Well pretty much, I said yes and no for several reasons. Let's start with no. Its not a bad thing because you clearly would want everyone in your life to get along and be great friends. It makes your life easier, right??? Well it could. And y'all can be one big happy family!! You hope. But in that regard its not bad.
However, yes, its bad because its your relationship and what does it matter if all your friends think he is great too. As long as you think he's great and everything is good for the two of you then its all good.
What you SHOULD do after the JUMP:
Then, I also think that problems arise when your friends are great friends with your significant other. I'd much rather then not be enemies but not be best of buddies either. Why?? Women are emotional creatures....we all know this. So therefore, if they become friends with your man their expectations for him rise significantly. They are your friends, so they already expect him to do right but when they invest emotion and time into him as a friend they feel betrayed when stuff gets crazy with y'all even more so than if they didn't know him like that.
This is where "too many cooks in the kitchen" comes in. When someone has a "vested interest" in something they feel as though they need to make their opinion on a situation known and it needs to have an affect on the outcome. This is what happens when you let your friends all into your relationship. No matter WHAT is going on in a relationship, outside of dangers to your person and mental safety and health, its between you and your significant other.
Thats something that it takes a while to get a grip on but the better you do it the better your relationships will be. It's always your first instinct to vent to others about frustration but imagine how your friends view your man if you only ever complain about bullshit that you think he does. They have no choice but to hate him because it seems like you do. You can't continually share with people the 20% (don't quote me on the stats) of the relationship where shit sucks and expect them to understand that you work things out based on the 80% that's awesome because you never share it.
I'm not advocating you share every detail about your relationship either to offer balance. That is definitely not the solution. My suggestion is keep your relationship business your relationship business. We all are gonna vent on occasion or share great stuff or talk about our significant others which is fine but don't over do it. If you do share a problem (just venting) make sure your friends know that. Politely let them know "thanks for listening, girl, but we're gonna work it out I just needed to vent". End it there. You don't need to clue her in on every detail of the argument or how y'all worked it out. Just leave it be.
For me, I'm not gonna lie about my relationship. If asked a direct question like "are you and such and such together" or "how are things with such and such" I'm not going to lie about it but I'm also not gonna walk around offering up the goings on in my personal life and my relationships.
And this applies to guys too...just switch a few words and yea...take the same advice!!!
-Fearce Diva
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